Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew Largeman: You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.
The above dialogue from 2004's Garden State definitely echoes a lot of my thoughts and people my age's thoughts. This is definitely a transitionary period, a changing of the guard. My best friend from childhood and I were back in Dallas for Thanksgiving and the day before decided to visit the grave of a mutual friend of ours and one of my best childhood friends who passed away this summer at age 20. While we were waiting on someone to find the gravesite, we thought about what home means to us now.
Home in every sense of the word means a place of your own, a safe haven. However you definite it, has it own significance to every person and it's own meaning. Home will always be the house i grew up in Mesquite, Texas. No matter how the neighborhood changes, it's still the place I was raised. However, Dallas as home and where I spent the majority of my days feels completely different. Every since the passing of my friend, Dallas has certain memories both good and bad I will always remember and I will never be able to let go. Every street in Far East Dallas, Lakewood, and places in between has memories associated with it. I just dont feel right here anymore though. I know i'm not supposed too- I'm 21 years old. It comes with being an adult. My friend said he felt at ease being out on Lake Travis away from the busy, noise of cars and the traffic at Austin. I feel at ease being in my adopted home on the South Plains of Lubbock,Texas. My friend and I both said things have changed because friends disappear, home just doesn't have the same kick as it once did.
It's such a dichotomous relationship, the duality of it all. Our need to be among people and relationships, yet at the same time we crave solitude, serenity, and silence. The feeling of achieving this was almost two years ago. I drove with a friend out to New Mexico one night to just get away for a few hours. I stood on the border of New Mexico and Texas on Highway 114 at dusk. You can't here anything. Silence is incredible sometimes.
I love Dallas and I love Lubbock. Just Dallas isn't for me right now. I'll come back eventually because my family is here, just I'd rather enjoy a different pace of life out in West Texas.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment